For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 34)
This seems like it should be obvious, but too many of those in recovery to totally believe in this concept may be more elusive than anyone could imagine. The problem is a certain aspect of our alcoholism/addiction that often leads to thoughts like this:
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 30)
Once this malady has a real hold, they are a baffled lot. There is the obsession that somehow, someday, they will beat the game. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 23)
This “Great Obsession” is insane idea that you can use safely in spite of the enormous amount of evidence that clearly shows that this is not true. It is probably the most persistent and destructive lie that many of us tell ourselves.
From the heavy alcoholics who thinks it is okay to drink a little light beer (in other words relapse) to the person who abuses a heavy substance who decides to remain sober but smokes marijuana because it’s not his/her drug of choice.
Whatever the reason that you may come up with; if you are at the higher levels of using there is no such thing as safely using a small amount etc. The only choices are: sober or not sober. THERE IS NO KINDA SOBER!!!! You either are sober or you are not.
This Great Obsession is an idea that comes up over and over again that tries to convince you that you can use safely.
It’s as crazy as regularly having a feeling that makes you want to hit yourself in the face with a baseball bat. You know it will hurt, you know it could kill you, you may even know it is an incredibly stupid thought to even have, yet you repeatedly find yourself in the hospital trying to recover from injuries sustained from a self-inflicted bludgeoning. You even remember the pain and agony of the last time you did this, the pain of the reconstructive surgeries and some of the permanent issues you have from previous attempts at this.
The real moment of truth is found in the thoughts you have right before you do such a crazy thing. In this example the thoughts might sound like:
- “This is not the same thing. Last time I hit myself with an aluminum bat, so this time I will use a wooden bat. Wood is softer than aluminum and the bats even break on baseballs sometimes.”
- “Last time I held the very bottom of the bat, so this time I will move my grip up just a little so the hit is not as hard.”
- “Last time I hit myself in the face, this time I will hit myself on the top of the head where my head is a bit harder.”
I know these all sound ridiculously stupid, but these excuses to do something ridiculously stupid are similar to how our excuses to use any kind of drugs or alcohol (in light of destructive results of our using in the past) sound to others around us. The fact is that in light of the amount of destruction that using can cause in our lives (and often already has caused) almost any excuse is actually that ridiculously stupid.
But there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 37)
Here is a newsflash for anyone in recovery who gives themselves a reason to use (a reason that says “It is okay this time because _______”): In light of the risk and the fact that you are in recovery (trying not to use or to learn to not use), ANY REASON IS AN INSANELY TRIVIAL EXCUSE!
Many people who relapse actually reason themselves into relapse. They tell themselves that this is different because (insert something incredibly stupid that sounds intelligent at the moment here). Things like:
- “I drink hard liquor, this is just beer, I’ll be fine”
- “I use meth. I’m not an alcoholic. A couple of drinks of wine will not be of affect to me.”
- “Marijuana is not a drug and is not an addictive drug so I can smoke it and nothing will happen”
- “The doctor prescribed these to me. If I take an extra one, how much difference could it make?”
If you think something like this there is a huge question that must be answered: Why?
Why do you need to drink at all? Why do you have to use something that involves intoxication at all (even if your initial plan involves stopping before intoxication).
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Why take the risk when so much is at risk and so little stands to be gained. Why, while trying to be sober, do something that clearly does not qualify as remaining sober.
We must accept this kind of thinking as part of the insanity and sickness of addiction and alcoholism. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SAFE USING FOR A PERSON WHO IS IN RECOVERY!!! EITHER YOU ARE SOBER OR YOU ARE NOT!!! There is no categories for: kinda sober, almost sober with an excuse, relapsed but excused with good reason, etc. All of these are “RELAPSED” and need to be considered as such by you and those that work with you and any sort of mentor etc. around you.
That also is true prior to doing this in your consideration process. It does count this time no matter what reason you choose. It is a relapse and may be your complete destruction even if the reason you are using seems good or satisfying to you.
The real point here is that it is a part of the recovery process to experience moments where you feel like there is a reasonable reason to use some intoxicating substance safely. These are important moments in your recovery. Either you overcome this temptation (which is strong and extremely convincing) or you do not. Being aware of what we have discussed here is only a beginning; each individual in recovery has this battle to fight repeatedly throughout the rest of our lives and it is a fight that none of us can afford to lose.
Stay sober my friends…