There is a Solution. Well, What is it Then?

There is a Solution.  Well, What is it Then?

Português: Uma cela moderna em Brecksville Pol...
Português: Uma cela moderna em Brecksville Police Department, Brecksville, Ohio (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 25)

For those of us who have struggled with the devouring monster that is alcoholism/addiction, these words offer some level of relief.  For those around us who care about us or love us this is a glimmer of hope.  There is a solution to a seemingly impossible problem.  There is some kind of hope where there seems to be absolutely none whatsoever.

Before going on I think it is very important to include those of us who do not see things as that desperate.  Those who think; “Yeah, I have a problem, but it’s not that bad.”  The kind of person who sits in their forth or fifth recovery program secretly thinking to himself or herself; “I am not as bad as all of these people, I don’t even really need all of this.”  For you there is a solution too.  If in fact you really are not that far advanced in your using, let’s get you to stop before you are.  If you are that advanced and just lying to yourself (which you probably wouldn’t know) then there is a solution that will also deal with lying to yourself.

Here are a few details of what you must be willing to do to get this solution.

  1. Self-searching
  2. Leveling of your own pride
  3. Confession of your shortcomings

The first is self-searching.  Knowing what is really wrong with you is a key part of the proc

ess (although in and of itself it will not keep you sober).

We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg 64)

The reason behind this is very simple:

Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg 64)

So, part of our recovery is to search for the things within ourselves that are problems and to do whatever it takes to be rid of those things.  We are to take an honest look at ourselves and be willing to take even the most extreme actions to be rid of the things that are not good.

A big part of doing this is seen in the Fourth Step.  

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 59)

It is not just a look at yourself that we are talking about, it is a “searching and fearless moral inventory” that we are taking of ourselves.  The searching is not just a casual look that never drifts past your comfort level. Look at some of the definitions you find in the Merriam-Webster dictionary for search:

: to look into or over carefully or thoroughly in an effort to find or discover something: as a: to examine in seeking something

: to look or inquire carefully

: to make painstaking investigation or examination

(Merriam-Webster.com)

You notice words like carefully, thoroughly, examine carefully, look into or over carefully, painstaking, etc.  These are key. 

The word fearless is also of great importance.  Think of the fears as those things that are hidden behind such thoughts as:  “This is stupid”, “Why do we have to look at all of this, my problem is using, not all of this”, “What does this have to do with my recovery”, and other such thoughts.  Fear often disguises itself as seemingly logical reasons why you should not take an honest look at yourself.  

Stop looking for reason not to take a good look at yourself and take a fearless, careful, thorough, painstaking, examination and investigation of yourself.  That is the call to self-searching.

Second comes the level of your pride.

Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 62)

If selfishness and self-centeredness is such a problem than overcoming any pride (be it hidden or obvious) that is in your life is a key task for you.  Those who are aggressively selfish probably know this about themselves and their recoveries.  Those who are more passively selfish (like codependents and those that otherwise seem giving and selfless but underneath have other selfish motivations/expectations) this may be a bit harder to see about yourself.  Again a “searching and fearless” inventory is a good place to clear up all of the mystery.

Last but not least is the third in that list:  Confession of your shortcomings.  In a basic sense this is broken down into two parts and really two levels in a Twelve Step Program.  There is a more personal facing of these things and a more public facing of these things.

The more personal facing of these things takes place from Step 5 up to Step 7, but let’s focus on the Step 5 portion:

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 59)

After inventorying these things we sit with God, ourselves and another person not only to admit these things, but to search out deeper clarity on these things.  But, why do I call this the “more personal facing of these things”?  Steps 8 and 9 bring the more public facing of these things.  Let’s look at Step 9 briefly:

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 59)

We go to every person we have hurt because of these shortcoming (not the least of which being selfishness and self-centeredness) and we confess our problem to each one.  Here is the catch:  It is probable that if you do not want to do some or all of these amends that you are so busy protecting yourself from discomfort that you have no concern for helping the other person/people feel better, get closure, begin to process etc.  That really means you are being selfish and self-centered which, as we read above is a huge part of our problem as alcoholics/addicts.  Not wanting to do this means you are stuck in your recovery and not recovering at this point.

Step 10 is really doing all of the things we have just talked about all of the time.  

This probably all sounds like a really tall order.  This may all seem like too much to do or the more subtle way of saying the same thing “All of this is not worth it.”  That is what Steps 1 through 3 are all about (and also why they come first).

The problem is not how hard these tasks are, the real problem is how desperate you are to be better.  

Drastic problems often require drastic solutions!

In describing Steps 8 and 9 in the Alcoholics Anonymous book the authors write:

Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 76)

At the beginning of recovery, you must decide that you are ready to “go to any lengths” for recovery.  In other words at the beginning, you must believe that your problem is so desperate that you must be willing to do whatever it takes to get better, no matter what that means.  That is true recognition of powerlessness and this is the beginning.

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 59)

This is the essence of Step 1 an I think the mindset is best described in one phrase in the Alcoholics Anonymous book:

We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 28)

So; recovery is going to require Self-searching, leveling of your pride and confession of your shortcomings which are very deep and terribly hard to do properly.  The reason people do it is because they are so desperate to be recovered that it can only be compared to the desperation that a drowning person has for air.  This is recovery for the hopeless variety of alcoholic/addict, but this is not a negative thing as many of us automatically think.  The glass is not only half empty!!! 

This is hope where there is no hope.  This is the life preserver thrown at the drowning person.  THERE IS A SOLUTION where there seemed to be none and although it may not be comfortable, it is worth it…   GO FOR IT!!!

 

Stay sober my friends,

Wade H.

Active Leadership and Your Recovery

It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!
Our hope is that when this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeated drinkers will seize upon it, to follow its suggestions.  Many, we are sure, will rise to their feet and march on. They will approach still other sick ones and fellowships of Alcoholics Anonymous may spring up in each city and hamlet, havens for those who must find a way out.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg 153)

A HUGE part of the process of recovery is the approaching sill other addicts and alcoholics.  But, then there is the statement “fellowships of Alcoholics Anonymous may spring up in each city and hamlet, havens for those who must find a way out.”  I would like to explore that a bit more on this post.

After the book appeared we all became very busy in our efforts to save all and sundry, but I was still actually on the fringes of A.A. While I went along with all that was done and attended the meetings, I never took an active job of leadership until February 1940.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pgs 229-230)

Here is a big challenge many have in recovery.  There are many who are convinced that recovery comes from simply being in the right place and trying to stay away from non-recovery people and things.  Don’t get me wrong, this is a great place to start, but in actuality it is a very small step on a very long journey.

In a previous post named “Intensive Work…Making Coffee???” I spoke on the importance of working with others.  Here, in the story of one of the pioneers and founding members of Alcoholics Anonymous (the start of all things Twelve Step) there is something described as an “active job of leadership” that was apparently very important to the early membership.  Apparently, it was possible to take “jobs of leadership” with the people that were already working together in recovery and also in places where there were not yet groups (“They will approach still other sick ones and fellowships of Alcoholics Anonymous may spring up in each city and hamlet”)

Let’s take a second to look at how all of this was tied to recovery of the founding member who I just quoted:

…I never took an active job of leadership until February 1940. Then I got a very good position in Philadelphia and quickly found I would need a few fellow alcoholics around me if I was to stay sober. Thus I found myself in the middle of a brand new group. When I started to tell the boys how we did it in New York and all about the spiritual part of the program, I found they would not believe me unless I was practicing what I preached. Then I found that as I gave in to this spiritual or personality change I was getting a little more serenity. In telling newcomers how to change their lives and attitudes, all of a sudden I found I was doing a little changing myself. I had been too self-sufficient to write a moral inventory, but I discovered in pointing out to the new man his wrong attitudes and actions that I was really taking my own inventory, and that if I expected him to change I would have to work on myself too. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg 230)

This person found himself in a place where he could not get the support he needed in recovery that we call fellowship.  For some of us this may be because of proximity like this man who moved to Philadelphia where there were not yet any groups of this nature.  But, for some of us we may be in a place where there are plenty of recovery groups for whatever we are in recovery for,
the problem may be that the groups in your area may not be organized in a way that you can get what you need from them (before I go any further I feel it is important to note that there is a chance in this situation that you may just be resistant and trying to find an excuse not to participate as another option).  If there are no groups or no groups that seem to give you what you need in recovery you may find that as you work with others, they will need something they cannot find nearby also.

In the case of the man we were just reading about, he knew he desperately needed something that was not available.  Here is the concept:  If you can’t find it make it!  

This person was on the fringes (a member but not really an active participant in A.A.), who had not truly done the Steps (“I had been too self-sufficient to write a moral inventory”) and who knew the details of the information yet did not do the things he knew (practicing what I preached).  He was just hanging around a group talking recovery stuff. 

When he started working with others and started his new recovery group, just hanging around talking recovery backfired.  The people he was working with immediately realized that he was asking them to do something he wasn’t doing himself.  The newcomers he had started in the recovery process were able to do something that the rest of the founding membership of Alcoholics Anonymous could not accomplish:  They somehow managed to get him to start working the steps fully.

As an example, he states that he “had been too self-sufficient to write a moral inventory” in modern Twelve Step terms he is saying bluntly that he had not worked Steps Four and Eight because he didn’t feel he needed to.  Without Steps Four and Eight the whole Twelve Step process stops at three (which if you read the whole story is where he was stuck: working Step 3). 

It was not until he started working with others that the clarity of where he was in his own recovery became clear.  The fact that he describes himself on page 230 as “on the fringes” let’s you know that the others probably had a pretty good idea as to where he was at in working his recovery in spite of the fact he attended meetings and talked recovery language.  Even the newcomers he was starting with knew where he was really at in his recovery.  Everyone but him knew. Suddenly, when working with others it became clear.

This may run contrary to many people’s ideas as to how sponsorship works, but everyone knew he was on shaky ground and had done very little toward recovery.  Everyone knew he was “self-sufficient” which means he really didn’t even buy Step One and would have seemed like the most unlikely person to lead anyone to recovery.  The truth is, not only is he one of the founding members of Alcoholics
Anonymous in Pennsylvania, but he could not even grasp recovery until he started working with others.

There are two huge points I want to want to convey through this founding member’s story:

  1. We all need to be working with others in recovery (even if just assisting another who is more advanced to work with somebody else)
  2. If you do not have a fellowship that is actually growing you in the process of recovery, you either need to find one or start one.

No matter what you took out of this post, I again return to one basic idea:

Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 89)