Darkness, Powerlessness, and the Dawn
Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I would have to be shut up somewhere, or would stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is before the dawn! (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 8)
We went to live with my wife’s parents. I found a job; then lost it as the result of a brawl with a taxi driver. Mercifully, no one could guess that I was to have no real employment for five years, or hardly draw a sober breath. My wife began to work in a department store, coming home exhausted to find me drunk. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 4)
One thing that is terribly tough for those of us in recovery and those around us is to find the balance between facing reality and maintaining some kind of hope.
To even have any idea of the need for recovery, one must usually see how big the problem is. A serious reality check has to happen to see how desperate the situation is which will lead to a willingness to take desperate measures to change the situation.
On the other hand sometimes those of us in alcoholism/addiction are so fixed on feeling sorry for ourselves that we use such information to throw a self-destructive “pity party”. Some of us experience these “reality check” moments regularly (particularly after a relapse) and feel it so impossible to get better or change that it gives us the opposite effect.
The remorse, horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable. The courage to do battle was not there. My brain raced uncontrollably and there was a terrible sense of impending calamity. I hardly dared cross the street, lest I collapse and be run down by an early morning truck, for it was scarcely daylight. An all night place supplied me with a dozen glasses of ale. My writhing nerves were stilled at last. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 6)
This may just be an excuse for using or in politer terms an attempt to self medicate unbearable emotions, but the reasoning does not make any of this any less real to the person experiencing it. The sense of impending calamity is real to us because it is true to some degree in all alcoholics/addicts.
To have a healthy balance, Step 1 (which is really what we are discussing) must strike a balance between a strong reality check and the message which titles chapter 2 of the Alcoholics Anonymous book: “There is a Solution”
THERE IS A SOLUTION
We, of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink problem.
We are average Americans. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 17)
The message to all of us that desperately need recovery has to be both a clear reality of how desperate we are and a solid stand that there is hope. If you are a person around one of us who desperately needs recovery and would like for a that person to get free then you must stand strong in your conviction to both parts of the message: “You are a terrible mess” and “There is a way you can get free of all of this and build a better existence.
There is a disclaimer though. You know what a disclaimer is; it is that thing at the end of commercial for medications, diet pills, and car manufacturers where after they have made the extraordinary claims, they rapidly mumble what the hidden catch is. Here is the disclaimer as clear and concise as it can be:
Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 14)
Recovery is a simple process as far as the explanation of what to do and the laying out of the Steps. Recovery is not easy because the things you have to do, although simple to explain are really hard to do. The simple steps outline things we simply do not want to do. Things that are terribly uncomfortable or that outright hurt: Things that both our unconscious and conscious minds will want to resist at all costs.
Now here is how the balanced messages of honestly facing the truth and continuing to have hope come together:
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 58)
Another part of the disclaimer is that each person trying to work through recovery has to be brutally and painfully honest with himself/herself or the process is doomed to fail.
As I have repeatedly said in previous posts: “Facts are Facts!” Ignoring them, “candy coating” them, lying to yourself and others about them, etc. is a part of the bondage. Being willing to first face these things and then being willing to do whatever it takes to be free of all of these uncomfortable things is necessity for any kind of recovery. That is where the hope is.
There is hope, but you have to be willing to face and fight through terrible discomfort to get there. This starts with really facing how desperate the situation really is. Step 1 states that:
- We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.
And that is truly where to begin once a person has discovered the need for recovery, but a certain amount of Step 1 has to have been completed to begin working Step 1. I know that sounds confusing, but look at this explanation of what to ask someone before you start working him/her through the Steps:
Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol. (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 76)
The hidden connection between understanding the desperation of the situation and having the hope of getting free is being willing to do anything to get free. That is where the two seemingly opposites meet. In other words the bridge between understanding it is a hopeless situation and the hope of freedom is willingness. This is the starting point of freedom.
Now look at this statement again and it should be a clear idea of the role it plays in the recoveries of others:
How dark it is before the dawn! (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 8)
We have to see how dark it really is to look for and truly appreciate the light.
Stay sober my friends…