Category: Step 7

Am I Willing To Let Go

Am I Willing To Let Go

If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all – every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg 76)

If a person has done a thorough Steps Four and Five that person is ready to start working on Step Six.  That means the person has gone through every anger and resentment in his or her life and has not only worked on getting over the emotions of the situation, but has learned to see each incident so differently that he or she is so concerned about the other person that it is terribly hard to have resentment or anger.  That means that he or she has looked through every fear and has realized how each one is a destructive force in his or her life.  That also means that he or she has looked through every sexual encounter and thought learning to see those differently also.

Then in Step Five this is all discussed with another person and with God having the expectation of both a feeling of some level of release but also that the person hearing all of this will dig a little deeper to help the person see his or her own challenges a little clearer.

If this all goes correctly it is not the end of these things, it is just a clarifying of what is really wrong with the person.  “What are the real problems behind my problems?”  This is not just a clarifying of how “jacked-up” a person is.   This is a clarifying of what is really wrong so that so that he or she works on the right things.  In other words going through the past, looking at every struggle in your life to see what you need to do to be free of those struggles.  Then going over all of this with someone else and with God to get a deeper outside perspective of all of this.

I just went through a lot of stuff so lets slow down and take a clearer look at what the desired end result of Steps Four and Five are.  Think of a person going to the hospital and just kinda doing whatever the other patients seem to be doing as treatment and hoping it will fix whatever is wrong with you.  This is where Twelve Step Programs become less and less “cookie-cutter” and become far more individualized.

In a perfect world, by the time you have reached this point, you have a list of your more serious problems that came out of what you have done in Steps Four and Five that is used to work Steps Six and Seven.

We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 71)

If do not have a list like this and you are trying to work on Step Six, get together with your sponsor, grab your Forth Step and work together to make one.  You are actually not finished with Step Five until you make one.

We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg 76)

There are a couple of important points here:

  1. Things “which we have admitted are objectionable” is a very important part of this step.  A HUGE part of transitioning from Step Five to Step Six is having admitted (fully) that the things that are listed on your list of “grosser handicaps” that you came up with in working Step Four and your sponsor helped you add to or come up with in Step Six are deep problems that need to go.  If you do not feel all of these are problems that need to be dealt with, it is okay.  YOU ARE NOT READY TO WORK STEP SIX.  Get together with your sponsor and other mentors and work on HONESTLY getting to that point.
  2. The sentence: “We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable” lets us know what the main point and end goal of Step Six is.  Step Six is about complete willingness.  “No matter what happens” kind of willingness.  “No matter what I am feeling” kind of willingness.
  3. Then comes the details of Step Six:  “Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable?”  So, if you feel the things listed are problems that you need to be free of then its time to look at yourself and do a “complete willingness” check.  Are you completely willing TO LET GOD remove all of those things AT ALL COSTS AND NO MATTER WHAT?

That is a big question.  There is a deeper question here than what many people reading this understand.  “What if you can only learn to be free of these things through discomfort?” 

For example, what if you are so “hard-headed” that you tend to not learn things until there is no other alternative.  In other words what if you are the type of person who will not truly decide changing something until not changing has become so painful that you clearly see that there is no other choice.  In such a case, the only way to get you to change is to cause you enough pain to force you to see the need to change.

In other words you may need great discomfort or outright pain as part of the process of change.  Are you so convinced of the need to change that you are willing to ASK GOD to hurry the process of change for you AT ALL COSTS AND NO MATTER WHAT?  Even if the process is painful, uncomfortable, and nearly unbearable, I want to be changed so desperately that I am ready for this and ready for it to all happen as quickly as possible so I can be changed.

I know that by now, many of those reading this automatically are thinking; “No thanks, I’ll pass.”  That is actually the normal response.  That is exactly why this step is here.

Step Six is not simply a checking to see if you are ready, it is the Step where you grow to a point of being ready.  Then, when you are ready, you go to Step Seven.

Can He now take them all – every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.  (Alcoholics Anonymous pg 76)

This is where you spend time with God, your sponsor, other mentors and yourself getting ready.  Step Six.  Think of it this way:  “Can he take them all, no matter how – every one of my “grosser handicaps” or “character defects?”  If you cannot answer “yes”; GREAT!  You are on the right Step.

Step Six is for when you are WILLING TO BECOME willing to let God remove all of your defects of character by any means necessary.

Step Seven is for those THAT ARE ALREADY willing to let God remove all of your defects of character by any means necessary.

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